A Prayer For the Power to Forgive
glory to overlook an offense.—Proverbs 19:11
God, You told us to forgive those who hurt us.
And yet, I find this hard to do. Deliver me
from the hateful pleasure of nursing a grudge. It
brings only misery. Instead, help me want to forgive.
Then fill my heart with generosity. Make me bigger
than my little self. Help me know the incredible
pleasure of reconciliation. Amen.
So this is my dilemma. The ability to forgive. How do you do this when no one has even asked to be forgiven. Each day passes by with no attempt at making any of this better. I wonder it their lives are truly better so that is why I don’t hear from them? I don’t think it is. I really just think they have no character, otherwise they would have done something to make this better. If they had any character, none of this would have even happened. They don’t even have a conscious. They don’t think they have done anything wrong. Well I know what they have done, and trust me so does the Lord up in heaven. I’m sure he can forgive them, but I’m not that good. They obviously do not believe any of what we tried to teach them or maybe they just don’t care. You know the devil is behind what they have done to our family. Only his kind of evil can be responsible for this. I think people don’t believe in the devil. That to me is the devil’s greatest accomplishment, getting people to think that he doesn’t exist. Then he spreads all of his destruction around the world. Hurting the best of us, trying to come between you and God. Do you really think he sits down in hell all by himself ??
Last night I prayed that God would watch over my family and bring them home to me. I have asked that many times before and it has been met with silence. I count my blessings each day and I am grateful for my husband and my 2 sons who have kept this family together. In the sports world, you would call it hitting/playing 500. Half Wins/Half Losses. I am grateful for the wins and I will accept the losses and move on. I will pray for my children that left and hope that one day they will make this right and come back to the family that has always loved them.
I won’t forget what they have done and things will be different than before. It can never be like it was. But nothing good will come from this in their lives. They should know this by now, and I would hope that they would at least try to make this better. Our oldest son literally ran away and just went dark. Moved away, got married and now I guess he has his own son (which I found out about on social media, the way I guess you are suppose to find out you are a grandmama). That was like 3 years ago, I think I’ve lost track of how long it really has been. There is a back story to the whole drama, but it’s the Titanic and it always ends the same way. It sinks, so I’ll save the drama for another post. Then there is my only daughter which is a really huge mind blower. The only thing I can say about her is she has pretty much lost her mind. But she took my girl with her, Gabriella and I have not seen her since July 7, 2014. All I can say about her is she has a real hate on for me, and I don’t know what I did. I guess helping her for 8 years to become a registered nurse and helping her raise her daughter was a bad thing. When I say helping, I mean providing all of the financial security (Food, Car, Housing, Tuition, Childcare, Medical, you name it the kitchen sink) a single mom needs. Oh and the “Baby Daddy” he was in jail for a while and out there making new babies before he decided to come back and use my daughter again. 8 Years, he never changed a diaper, nothing but when he crawled out from the rock he was under she ran back to him. If I saw her, I would probably run because I think she just forgot to put the knife into my back. It’s just my girl, Gabriella I want. But I know that can never be, because unless you have a relationship with the mother you will never have one with the child. Oh and yes they are living together, and no he doesn’t have a job, and no he still hasn’t married her and you guesses it, she’s pregnant again. Oh yes and she is working for my best friend with a great job as an RN and yes you guessed it. I got her the job. So yes, I was a fool with my adult children.
I have learned my lesson. I should have let them just work out their own madness of a life. Instead I was an enabler and now I have paid the price. But I do believe, “What goes around, comes around.” I don’t wish them harm, but they have hurt our family deeply and it’s hard to forgive that. The day will come, I am sure when they realize what they have done just wasn’t worth it. Unfortunately that day will be too late 😦