I write because I have a something to say. It plays over and over in my head, like the song that you can’t get out of your head. I put my thoughts down on paper and then that stops it from playing over and over in my mind. Writing for me is like talking to myself. I can process things so much better when I put them down on paper. I have also realized it makes me extremely vulnerable to put out my thoughts, because they really do come straight from my heart. My thoughts are who I really am. Then people can judge me by what I write. Sometimes the judgement is no judgement at all which can be even worse. My words mean nothing to the reader and so they don’t even have a comment. It’s like I feel most of the time, invisible. But really that’s not so bad. Because that brings me back to who I really am. I have learned to love myself regardless of the what the world thinks. You have to have that kind of belief in yourself or you would not be able to survive in this world. If you need someone else’s acceptance to validate you, then it won’t end well for you because you are just never going to get that validation. I have learned to turn my back on the judgements of other’s, especially when their judgements or opinions are not relevant in my world. There are just some things that other’s just have no business in sticking their nose in. The only reason they do in my humble opinion is to make themselves feel better about there miserable life, by intruding into yours. One of my words of wisdom that I live by is, “If you are not part of the solution, then you are part of the problem.” There are very few gray areas in my life. There is truth and then there are lies. 1 + 1 will always = 2. Did you ever realize that when something gets taken all the way up to the Supreme Court of Justice, the highest court in America and they rule on it, like Roe v. Wade or Gay Marriage the problems do not go away they just get more complicated. Well when I was a teenager, I was really a troublemaker. I spent 14 months of my young life, learning about me. When you learn about yourself you also learn about other people. People that will be good for you and people who will drag you into their hell. It was a very good learning experience for me and my future. Lesson 1. You are who you associate with. (Lay down with dogs, blah, blah, blah) Sorry I didn’t make these rules, they are just the way things are. So if you want to be a productive part of society, don’t hang with the loser’s. The ones who don’t work, don’t follow the law, liars and thieves. 2. Stand for something no matter the cost. If you don’t then who are you really ?? No one. Sometimes the cost is high, but if you fold you will never stand for anything. 3. Love yourself and you will be able to love others. If you don’t love yourself you cannot possibly ever give love to anyone else. You may think you can, but you are not. By loving yourself you won’t let other people use you, hurt you. By loving yourself you make sure you only give yourself the best. It’s hard sometimes because we all need/want someone to love us, but really if you don’t love yourself how is anyone else ever going to love you. 4. Do no harm. The world is a circle, what goes around comes around and it will. If you have put bad things out there, they will come back. 5. Be honest. You have nothing if your life has been made up of lies. Trust is everything and without it there can be no relationship. It all comes out in the wash. Finally there is Guilt. You may not even feel it, but trust me it’s there. If you don’t make things right, it will eventually destroy you from within. If you don’t believe me, go look it up in the principles of Alcoholic’s Anonymous. Guilt, and sometimes it will take a very long time, but it will destroy. “With Eagerness of spirit, we will no longer be driven by our guilt and fears. We must now rely on our trust and convictions,Elan.” I said this every morning for 14 months, and I thank God for the opportunity he gave me to build a better me for the rest of my life. I’ll never, never forget where I came from.
After going through many months of learning these principles of life, I went out back into the society. I have tried to live my life this way and yes I can’t say that I have been successful at all of this all of the time, but one thing I know I did and that would be #4. “Do no Harm.” These are really rock solid principals of my world and I love myself enough to try to live by them. I think that’s why me and the love of my life have been able to weather all of the storms that have come our way. I love you, husband ❤
Living your life with purpose is never easy. Doing the right thing is hard. But in the end, after all is done I can still hold my head up and say I left the world a better place. Do no Harm, Blessings ❤
After re-reading this post, I know it may sound kind of righteous but believe me if you knew me and what I have been through in my life that is the last thing that I am. Those who want to frame it like that are the same ones who have lied about me and bore false witness about me. Really they know the truth and so do I. They will rationalize it, and say it over and over and over until the lie becomes the truth in their world. But you can’t change facts. 1 + 1 will never change, always = 2. Again, Blessings ❤